Wii U – Page 2 – Colin McMahon

Dear Nintendo: The Mario Kart 8 DLC We Really Want

Posted on May 20, 2015 by Colin McMahon

Dear Nintendo,

Thank you for those two packs of downloadable content for Mario Kart 8. They were affordable and added in some great tracks. The new vehicle options were engaging and 200 cc mode might be at the pinnacle of crazy-but-fun nonsense. The new characters… well having Link, Isabelle, and the Villager was pretty cool. Overall, they were great add-ons and I hate to complain but…

It’s the internet and I have first-world problems.

While Mario Kart‘s DLC has been great so far, it has failed to address the game’s largest weaknesses. The game already boasted an impressive course list, with 16 great new tracks and 16 excellent remakes. Now, with 16 brand new courses, it is tough to argue against Mario Kart 8 having the best track selection in the series. That’s definitely a positive, but in ideal DLC we need…

A REAL Battle Mode

You know what Mario Kart 8 also has? The worst Battle Mode since it was introduced back in the original Mario Kart. The problem is simple: Mario Kart 8, for all its raceways, has no dedicated Battle Mode stages. Not one. That’s right, while Nintendo found time to 48 courses to support one of Mario Kart 8‘s modes, they made a grand total of zip to support the other. Instead they have left players to battle on regular raceways, courses that were not designed for that style of gameplay. While there is still some fun to be had, it has made Battle Mode feel largely crippled. Heck, if they’re out of ideas for new stages, might I make a simple suggestion of four pretty good ones?

Just off the top of my head, these would be excellent to play online.

So yeah, Nintendo – PLEASE add a real Battle Mode, I am willing to pay eight more dollars for it. I haven’t taken a poll but I feel that I am not the only one in this camp. Also, if I could make one critique of the character roster:

It is deceptively limited.

Many unique characters were scrapped in favor of "variations" of favorites. — Many unique characters were scrapped in favor of “variations” of favorites.

There are currently 36 characters available to choose from in Mario Kart 8. At first glance, that sounds like a ton! I mean who could want more when you can choose from Mario, Metal Mario, Baby Mario, Tanooki Mario… okay that’s a lot of Marios, but there is also Peach… and Pink Gold Peach… and Baby Peach… and Cat Peach…

Seeing a pattern?

For all Mario Kart 8‘s character selection, it really boils down to 26 characters, and seven of those are just Koopalings. So, that really means that the total of unique characters (who most people actually care about) is closer to 19. That is quite a drop from 36. Nintendo, if you’re in the mood for additional DLC, before you add “Fire Luigi,” please consider the following:

Birdo

Really, there are two forms for both Rosalina and Daisy, but no space could be found for pink female equivalent of Yoshi? Sure, Birdo is no longer particularly relevant to the series, but neither is Daisy… and was Waluigi ever?

Bowser Jr.

Nintendo, do you really mean to tell me that you had room for two incarnations of Bowser and seven Koopalings… but no love for Bowser Jr.? The kid has been around for the last few games, what happened? Did he offend someone during the making of Mario Kart 7? If he is good enough for Super Smash Bros., he should be included in Mario Kart 8.

Diddy Kong

Look at him, all excited. He doesn't know yet how much his hopes have been crushed. — Look at him, all excited. He doesn’t know yet how much his hopes have been crushed.

Or even Donkey Kong Jr., I don’t really care which, but there is enough room to let Donkey Kong have one sidekick. Toad has Toadette and again… do I need to mention how Waluigi is included in this game? Diddy Kong deserves more respect.

Boo

No, no victory celebrations for you. Now Boo learns what it is like to be truly dead and forgotten.

He doesn’t have to be royalty to belong back in Mario Kart. Boo is a unique villain and who doesn’t love the ghost chuckle that guy gives every time he passes someone. Bad enough they removed him from the game as a racer, did they have to take his power too?

E. Gadd

It would probably look cooler than this but good try, IGN.

Bet you thought I was going to mention the piranha plant, right? Nope, Professor E. Gadd is a bit more deserving. Again, give Luigi (and his side characters) a bit more room to shine. Plus, E. Gadd totally seems like the insane genius who would invent a racing kart.

Captain Falcon

Seriously, there are already two F-Zero courses in the game and an F-Zero racer. What does Captain Falcon have to do for a roster spot? It is great to see Nintendo bringing in characters from outside series, but puzzling to watch as they skip the obvious choice… while acknowledging how well the two series work together.

So there you have it, Nintendo – humble suggestions for a fan (who is willing to pay to get these things). I think I speak for many people when I say: come on! What are you waiting for?

P.S. – Also new powers would be pretty awesome. Two ideas: a Hook Shot power up (courtesy of Zelda) that allows the racer to shoot up to the person ahead of them and a Tom Nook coins/power steal (kind of like a variation of the old Boo power). Think about it.

Ten Fighters You Should Vote Into Smash Bros.

Posted on April 3, 2015 by Colin McMahon

Every time a Smash Bros. game is announced, part of the fun is guessing who will be in it. There are safe bets like Mario, Link, Kirby, and Samus, but there are also internet hopefuls. Well, now – for the first time ever – Nintendo is letting us pick. Yes. Yes. Yes!

Now loyal customers or perhaps just those rare few people with the internet (Nintendo still doesn’t know the internet is a thing apparently, just ask Mario Party 10) can vote for the next fighter. Simply go to this official ballot site and cast your vote. All you need to know is your gender (cause girl votes only count for .8 of man votes), the character you want, which game they came from, and why you want them. In terms of knowing your gender… I can’t really help you beyond providing this guide. Figure it out?

Okay, well if that’s as far as you got before getting lost, here are some ideas for Smash Bros. Some are safe, some are reaching, all are possible. Maybe. Power to the people! Yay!

1. Goku (Dragonball Z: The Legacy of Goku for Gameboy Advance)

I’ll start off with the Kotaku push. For those out there who don’t know – how do you not know? Goku has been around for ages. He is so popular that, even if you don’t watch anime, you’ve likely still seen him around. The Saiyan fighter seems to be a natural fit in a fighting game.

People want Goku so much that they've already added him to Smash Bros. — People want Goku so much that they’ve already added him to *Smash Bros*.

2. Paper Mario (Paper Mario for Nintendo 64)

Okay, the argument against this guy is that we shouldn’t have to vote for him. Why isn’t he already in the game? Like seriously, we got Dr. Mario as far back as Melee but Paper Mario gets no love. That’s too bad because, unlike his P.H.D. bragging counterpart, this Mario could actually warrant an original move set.

Paper Mario waiting his turn to appear in *Smash Bros*.

3. Bayonetta (Bayonetta 2 for Wii U)

If the Nintendo universe were not so devoid of sexuality, Bayonetta would probably already be in the game. Still, it comes across as kind of a dick move by Nintendo. Newcomer Platinum Games loves working with Nintendo after all. They made Bayonetta 2 a Wii U exclusive. Monolith Soft made Xenoblade Chronicles an exclusive and Shulk got to be in the game. Sounds kinda sexist there, Big N.

Bayonetta: the character who could single-handedly raise the age requirement. — Bayonetta: the character who could single handedly raise the age requirement.

4. Shovel Knight (Shovel Knight for 3DS/Wii U)

Why would not want to play as a knight wielding a shovel? Also the fact that this game has been one of the biggest indie hits for Nintendo should count for something. Let’s get Shovel Knight to dig in (haha get it?).

And he fits with Nintendo's anti-violence message! — And he fits with Nintendo’s anti-violence message!

5. Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil 4 for Gamecube/Everything)

Speaking of cashing in a favor, remember the Gamecube? Remember Resident Evil 4: that sick once-exclusive for the Gamecube that got everyone excited for Resident Evil again? Yeah, let’s give Leon his due. His move set would be unique, and maybe we could also get a cool cultist village level to fight in.

Leon's already enjoyed a crossover with Lord of the Rings, why not Nintendo? — Leon’s already enjoyed a crossover with *Lord of the Rings*, why not Nintendo?

6. Batman (Batman for NES)

Because what isn’t better with Batman in it?

Pretty much the only reason you need to vote for him.

7. Aang (Avatar: the Last Airbender for Wii)

Yeah, of course I’m going to promote more Avatar: the Last Airbender. Apart from that though, just think about it. Think about how much Aang would fit into Smash Bros. and how cool his move list would be. Did you think about it? All right, now make it happen.

With your help, Aang can finally be rendered with a mouth.

8. Bomberman (Bomberman 64 for Nintendo 64)

We already got Mario, Sonic, Mr. Game & Watch, Pac-Man, and Mega Man. Poor Bomberman is feeling left out. Besides, it would be fun to have someone with continuous access to high-powered explosives.

9. Rayman (Rayman Legends for Wii U)

Seriously, this guy has a trophy in the game. How is he not already in the game? HOW?! Nintendo and Ubisoft need to fix their stupid argument and make this a reality.

He's already a trophy! This is the hugest tease ever! — He’s already a trophy! This is the hugest tease ever!

10. Godzilla (Godzilla Unleashed for Wii)

Because Godzilla needs to fight everybody. It is his destiny. This was my vote.

Bonus: Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th for NES)

Cause f*ck Mortal Kombat X. Nintendo should get him too.

Be sure to specify that you want the purple Jason.

Ubisoft's Plan to Fail on Wii U

Posted on September 26, 2014 by Colin McMahon

Ubisoft wants to make money. I think everyone can understand that. After all, it is hard to run a business when you’re not making money. Recently, Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot declared that Watch Dogs would be the last mature game released for the Wii U. His reasoning is that Wii U owners don’t buy “mature” games. Sounds like a reasonable statement. I haven’t seen the charts on Wii U sales for games like Assassin’s Creed IV, but I bet they’re not good. Unfortunately, Yves Guillemot’s reasoning isn’t as sound as he would like. There is another reason why Nintendo fans don’t buy “mature” games on the Wii U, and it has more to do with Ubisoft than anything else.

Ubisoft has released a lot of poor, sub-quality ports of “mature” games for the Wii U. Indeed, the company is playing the part of the sad friend while acting like a disinterested party. In examining the history of Ubisoft releases on the newest Nintendo platform, shocking similarities begin to emerge. Let’s take a look at some of the big “mature” releases, starting with the Assassin’s Creed series. Assassin’s Creed III and IV were released for the Wii U. Assassin’s Creed III was actually a launch game. Let’s look at how well Ubisoft handled the marketing:

Hmmm, there is one console missing there. I wonder how come no one would buy it for Wii U, looking at this billboard?

Wow, way to showcase the release on a new console, Ubisoft! Fun fact: I could not find a single billboard or poster that advertised the Wii U version. All I could find were media-created mockups like this below:

Well, that was Assassin’s Creed III. I’m sure when it did not sell well on the Wii U, Ubisoft’s marketing department re-evaluated their strategy and bolstered Assassin’s Creed IV sales!

There's the special PS4 edition, did the Wii U get a special edition? — There’s the special PS4 edition, did the Wii U get a special edition?

It did not. Not only that, before the game was released – Ubisoft revealed that the Wii U edition would receive no dlc. That’s right. Hypothetical question: why would any gamer buy for that system, knowing that their purchase will not be supported? Ubisoft, I think I’m starting to see more clearly why people aren’t buying your games on Wii U.

But wait, there’s so much more! Let’s talk about Splinter Cell: Blacklist!

Again, before the game was released – Ubisoft declared that there would be no offline co-op available for the Wii U version. Strangely, online co-op was included. Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean, it’s not like the Wii U has two screens by default – making it a great system to explore co-op on. It’s not like that’s the case at all. Starting to see a pattern, Yves Guillemot? Good, cause I’m about to predict the future:

Watch Dogs will not sell well on the Wii U.

The Wii U is not even getting Watch Dogs until November, months after it’s been available on other platforms – but that’s not all! Loyal Nintendo gamers will be rewarded for the patience with – wait for it – NO DLC for the Wii U version! It is so staggering to understand why people would not line up to buy a crappy, incomplete port of a six-month old mediocre game. Man, I guess mature gamers just don’t like Wii U! Or wait – that’s not it at all, is it?

The real question is: if you're going to do such a poor job, why bother? — The real question is: if you’re going to do such a poor job, why bother?

Well, Yves Guillemot might counter that not enough Wii Us have been sold! Ubisoft has stated that they will release more Wii U games when more systems are sold. Well, so far over 7 million Wii Us have been sold. That’s millions more than Xbox Ones – yet Ubisoft isn’t threatening to cut off support to Microsoft. So much for that being a valid reason.

At least Ubisoft is not being foolish enough to sit on completed Wii U games, instead of releasing them to make a profit. Wait – they are? Not really seeing the logic in that one, what with this being the year of Mario Kart 8 and Super Smash Bros. It would be like if they said that animating female characters was substantially harder and less important than animating male ones. Wait they did say that – oh fantastic!

Ubisoft, if you don’t like working with Nintendo – just say so. It’s not like they are a perfect company, everyone knows they have serious handicaps when dealing with online infrastructure. Just stop all this “we’re trying to help” attitude and making outrageous statements like Wii U owners don’t buy mature games. Smart gamers don’t buy your mature Wii U games – cause they’re kinda sh*t.