Dear Hollywood: Please do Something with Dino-Riders

Let me tell you about Dino-Riders. It is f*cking amazing.

There are dinosaurs with freaking laser beams attached to their heads. I’m not lying. Produced in 1988, Dino-Riders was a TV show that (exactly like Transformers) existed to sell toys. What kind of toys exactly? Have a look:

Literally dinosaurs with laser beams attached to their heads. You see that it was no exaggeration.
Literally dinosaurs with laser beams attached to their heads. You see that it was no exaggeration.

Oh and in case you’re wondering what the heck is riding the dinosaurs? Let me tell you:


So the basic premise is this: good-guy humans and bad-guy aliens end up back in time (or on some other planet – who cares?) with dinosaurs. They attach weapons to those dinosaurs and proceed to beat the crap out of each other. This makes the ridiculousness of Jurassic World look like a serious drama.

It is smart: absolutely not. Well, I shouldn’t say that with such certainty. I only ever watched two episodes of the show as a kid a long time ago… but I remember nothing about it besides “good guy is good, bad guy is bad – DINOSAURS.” Yet what needs brains to make a lot of money.

Did Jurassic World make any sense?

It did not.

Jurassic World‘s worldwide gross was $1,668,805,942. So either people reeeaaallly love Chris Pratt, or audiences want fun dinosaur action! Pixar’s upcoming film, the Good Dinosaur, may help prove which factor one way or the other.

Really, ever since Transformers emerged as a blockbuster juggernaut (again – points for movies that make no sense), Dino-Riders should have been a no-brainer. Well, I’m happy to report that Hollywood might have finally realized what they’re sitting on.

According to an article that broke last month, toy giant Mattel and unknown Solipsist Film (they seem to be a new company, there is very little on them; their website has nothing) are teaming up to bring Dino-Riders to the big screen.

Will it materialize? It had better. Seriously Hollywood – this is a franchise with mindless dinosaur and alien action that is from the 1980s. It has cash cow written all over it.

Oh and apparently there is a video game? It looks fan made. People can also just play Ark: Survival Evolved, which is practically the Dino-Riders game.

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