Oh my gawd, Power Rangers, oh my gawd, this movie. Quick question for those out there who grew up in the nineties: did you ever have that one friend? You know the one I mean. You had like a Blue Ranger action figure and you were like so super proud of it but then he/she had the complete Zord set and they could all link up to form the Megazord or remain their little animal parts. Suddenly owning the Blue Ranger wasn’t so cool. But, as long as you two were friends, you could play with the Megazord. It made you love your time together and dream of the day when you too owned the Megazord… and then you could say goodbye to that loser. We all had that friend. That was the friend you went to go see Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie with.
Now the show was totally awesome. Remember when the Rangers were dressed as normal kids enjoying a totally drug/alcohol/sex free high school? Then there was that shot of Rita and Lord Zed plotting to kill them by taking this normal animal/object/thing/whatever and turning it into a monster that never ever looked like a guy in a costume. Oh but first, FIRST they would send the Putty Patrollers. I always felt kinda bad for the hapless Putty Patrollers. They existed simply to get beaten before the monster showed up. They didn’t seem like the smartest creatures either, I had a hard time believing they were evil.
Anyway, they were an awesome part of the show. Know what was even more awesome: when the monster showed up. It would beat up the Rangers but then the rangers would totally start beating it up. The monster would grow huge and everyone would be like “oh no, what are we going to do? Angel Grove is doomed!” but then the Rangers would be like “chill out, we got this. It’s morphin time!” and summon the Zords and form the Megazord and proceed to bitch-slap the equally hapless monster (it was just doing what it was made to do!). Anyway that was the plot. Great plot. Fantastic plot! So good, they used it for every episode. Not complaining, it was great. I never wanted to see the Mighty Morphin Introspective Rangers. Then there was the movie and suddenly this plot wasn’t good enough anymore.
First off, we start the movie with the Power Rangers jumping out of an airplane. It’s pretty sweet. The white ranger jumps out with a snowboard cause he’s cooler that way. He’s the best. The white ranger. Leader of the group. White is the best… white is the leader… white… power? NO, they got away from all that by recasting some of the rangers before this movie. Now a white guy is the Black Ranger and a black chick is the Yellow Ranger. No more racially profiled rangers. Awesome. Okay so they jump out of a plane, no introduction needed, you know it’s them (convenient that they always wear their ranger color… how does no one notice?).
They land and stuff happens. Then we cut to Angel Grove construction and get introduced to this guy:
Well, not right away. The Angel Grove grownups dig him up (cause just open everything you find underground right?) and Lord Zed sets him free. Anyone hoping to see Rita and Zed take on the Power Rangers in a climatic theatrical experience: keep dreaming, we got Ivan Ooze instead. He’s kinda cool though… not really sure what he is… except that he’s made out of pink ooze. Oh and he can shoot pink lightning too. Pink seems to be his thing (not to be confused with the pink ranger).
Waiting for Ivan Ooze to create a monster. He doesn’t (cause he’s a badass obviously). Instead he goes to the Ranger’s headquarters where Zordon is hanging… where is that place anyway?
And Ivan breaks in. He just oozes in (get it? I won’t do anymore of those, I promise). Seriously he just kinda gets in there. Like woah, it would be like if the Joker just walked into the Bat Cave. Why is there no security? Zordon obviously has enemies. He puts teenagers in danger every day to try and fight them. You think he would do more than just lock his door.
So Zordon gets beat up, Rangers lose their powers and they have to go to another planet to get them back. Yep. That makes total sense. Wait, is Ivan sending a monster?
Wow they look threatening and there’s a lot of them. Going to be pretty tough for the Rangers, especially when they don’t have their powers. Going to be a fierce fight, I bet the Power Rangers are going to have to use their skill and teamwork to outsmart these supernatural creations and –
Yeah the Power Rangers get saved by the planet’s (only?) inhabitant. Makes sense. I bet she was really psyched to see other humans on her world for once. I want to know more about her story. Is she like the knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? Can’t wait to hear more about her. Or just move on. The movie just moves on. That’s cool, I’m still with you, bro. I’m still following. She says there’s going to be impossible trials. Wonder what cool monsters those will be?
Well, turns out they’re so cool and memorable that I can’t find pictures of them on Google. That’s right, now even Google, it seems, has a standard. But I almost forgot! They get new animals. New Zords (well not yet). But that’s great because they were dinosaurs before and like, only unicorns and dragons are cooler. Wait, there’s a monkey… and a wolf (that’s still pretty cool I guess)… and a bear… and a… frog? Seems like a downgrade, just saying. Strength of an ape is nice but unless that gorilla is King Kong, it’s not going to beat a T-Rex.
Meanwhile, the Power Rangers are away, I can only imagine all the evil stuff Ivan Ooze is doing on Earth:
Well turns out he dug up some robots and the Rangers come back with the Zords (finally) and we get.. a fight?
Then there’s this comet and Ivan gets blown up and the Power Rangers save Zordon by holding hands. I know I left stuff out but there’s just too much plot for me to handle. This movie has layers yo, deep layers of… really really boring. Some movies hold up from childhood. Some movies don’t. Honestly it feels like the Power Rangers are barely in their own movie. The final fight takes only five minutes and Ivan Ooze goes out like a punk. This is the guy who took out Rita, Lord Zed and Zordon. Kinda anticlimactic.
How boring and stupid is this movie: I watched this while drunk and thought it was dull. Keep that in mind when deciding to revisit Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie. Just watch the show instead.
Thoughts? Comments? Am I full of it or onto something? Let me know now in the feedback section of this article.
Colin McMahon 
So my boyfriend’s name is Adam, and I read this great book called “The Philosopher’s Pupil” by Iris Murdoch, wherein one of the characters is named Adam and his dog is named Zed. Together, Murdoch writes, they are the Alpha and the Omega. I was totally entranced by that idea and when it came time to get a pet, I floated the name “Zed” — only to have it immediately dismissed in one sentence: “Zed is the villain from ‘Power Rangers.'” Adam said. I don’t know how I’d forgotten, but that was the end of that discussion. Thanks for the hilarious, in-depth reminder about the wonder that is Power Rangers.
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