Movies – Page 29 – Colin McMahon

In Defense of After Earth

Posted on August 25, 2014 by Colin McMahon

Let me say something right now before I defend this movie: it is a bad movie. It is really poorly made. I would not recommend that anyone watch this film. It was simple of a disaster of near epic proportions.

All right.

Anyone law-savvy take note: never begin a client’s defense like that.

After Earth is the latest movie from fallen star M. Night Shyamalan. The once brilliant master of suspense (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs) has fallen to earth with more force than most comets, and appears fully determined to sink down right into the center of the Earth. Following up his first disaster (Lady in the Water) with entertainment turds The Happening and The Last Airbender, there did not appear to be any end in sight. How bad could Shyamalan get… just watch his next movie to find out. Until now.

With each bad Shyamalan film, there was always a ‘silver lining’ way to view failure. Lady in the Water was an interesting (yet very flawed) commentary on storytelling. The Happening had a challenging concept that would have made Alfred Hitchcock go: “no way man, I’ll stick with birds.” The Last Airbender was his first and, to date, only movie where there was no such positive spin. Apart from composer James Newton Howard: nobody did their jobs well on that movie.

After Earth is a poorly written movie with a weak leading actor, but still possesses quite a few cool concepts.

For starters, let’s look at a potentially cool character conception that translated incredibly poorly to the screen. Cypher Raige (not kidding on the name) is, in concept, a super soldier. He is emotionally detached to the point of being a living weapon. Yet it does not appear that this was a man born without emotion. Throughout the movie, Rage makes hints to returning to a more human existence. He seems to be trapped in the emotionless void he created to survive. For instance: he has a son that he can only speak to as a soldier.

In the beginning, Raige shows some flickerings of emotion with his wife. After that, there was A LOT of deadpan with this face.

This has potential to be an interesting character arch. The danger of writing a character like this, however, is that if it is done poorly, the audience will be forced to endure a cold, emotionless robot as one of their main characters. Exactly what happened to Will Smith‘s performance in After Earth.

Another cool idea: a hostile earth. This realm of science fiction is already starting to come home to reality, but to create the idea of a human-abandoned earth sounds intriguing. Also, this does not appear to be a recent desertion either. The movie gives the audience a planet that has had time to revert to a complete feral state. There are no real traces of cities or any human settlement left on the planet. The surviving animal species have been left on their own to evolve and adapt into incredibly dangerous and hostile versions of their former selves.

How exactly is this baboon any more or less dangerous to humans than a baboon of today? — How exactly is this baboon any more or less dangerous to humans than a baboon today?

Or not.

Again, another problem of the script breaks through to derail the concept. After Earth feels like two independent ideas sandwiched into one script. In one story, the animals of Earth have evolved to pose a very great threat to humans. In another, Earth has become a planet with extremely dangerous climate conditions. This latter idea dominates most of the movie, however all the set up is done stressing the dangers of the planet’s inhabitants.

“Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans.”

Or not.

Also, great thing to tell your son before lecturing him on the importance of not being afraid.

Do not let this man become a motivational speaker.

There is no real animal threat in the movie, save for an Ursa, which is a chemically engineered non-native of Earth. That line works great in trailers but ultimately comes off as the exact opposite of intelligence.

The cgi rendering in this film: not super great.

Finally, the story itself. The idea of a father and son getting trapped together on a hostile world sounds promising. The fact that the two have a miserable relationship adds potential for characters. The injury to the father should help to prompt a sci-fi coming of age story that is worth watching. Sure, After Earth‘s plot is simple but there is potential there – just not for a summer action blockbuster.

The best moments of this movie are when it's not trying so hard to entertain. Maybe the expectations of a smaller, independent release would have suited this film better. — The best moments of this movie are when it’s not trying so hard to entertain. Maybe the expectations of a smaller, independent release would have suited this film better.

It fell apart in the script, and whether it was Shyamalan’s directing or Jaden Smith‘s acting, there was no strong performance to save it.

Should you watch this movie: only if you’re like me and you enjoy analyzing and critiquing stories. Otherwise, there is a lot of vastly superior science fiction to enjoy at the moment. The worst may be behind M. Night Shyamalan, but he still has a lot more climbing left to do.

Godzilla's Revenge A.K.A. All Monsters Attack A.K.A. What the F*ck am I Watching?

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Colin McMahon

Right now there are brutal things happening around the world. Whether locally in Ferguson or abroad in the Israel-Palestinian conflict, it seems like right now is not a shining moment for the human race. While I could (and at some point will) talk about these horrific events, I felt I needed a change of pace for a moment. So let’s talk about another Godzilla movie, that’s always fun! Winding the clocks all the way back to 1969 (teehee), today’s post focuses on the tenth film in the series, All Monsters Attack, later known as Godzilla’s Revenge over here in the States. This film was the immediate follow-up to 1968’s Destroy All Monsters, and is commonly known as the worst Godzilla movie ever made. Personally, I feel that this is an unfair label. Yet while Godzilla’s Revenge may not be the worst film in the series, it certainly is the most bizarre.

Actually, even that may not be true.

Bizarre in this case means that Godzilla’s Revenge is simply not like any other Godzilla movie ever made. “How could that be?”, you ask. Well, for starters: Godzilla is not ever really in the movie…. yeah, that is a little strange.

But he's right there on the poster! — But he’s right there on the poster!

Everything about that poster is a lie.

Godzilla’s Revenge is about a small boy overcoming parental neglect and bully problems. Oh, also he fights two burglars, pre- Home Alone style.

I am not kidding. If you’re saying to yourself: “what does that have to do with Godzilla?” Fair question. Here is a rundown of the ‘plot.’

Godzilla’s Revenge follows Ichiro Miki, he is our young protagonist living somewhere in Japan. Both of Ichiro’s parents are always working and the kid does not appear to have any real friends, aside from a young girl and an elderly toymaker. Worse than that, he has a bully: a slightly less small child whom he calls Gabara. That’s all okay though since Ichiro has his best friend, Minilla!

Seen here are the two of them on a play date.

Minilla is better known as the Son of Godzilla (originally from the movie of the same name). Minilla is also usually roughly 18 meters tall and, you know, a monster. In case it was not already apparent, Ichiro is not actually friends with the ‘real’ Minilla. Godzilla’s Revenge is a movie where all the monster portion takes place inside the imagination of a boy. While this sounds strange, it does not sound like a terrible idea. Godzilla had already appeared nine times at this point, so a new spin sounds like an inventive way to create a sequel.

It probably didn't help that this film came right after Destroy All Monsters, a movie which featured an awesome battle royale and more monsters than any prior Godzilla film. — It probably didn’t help that this film came right after *Destroy All Monsters*, a movie which featured an awesome battle royale and more monsters than any prior Godzilla film.

Yet for imagination, a lot of the monster footage is insanely familiar. Maybe Ichiro watched all the earlier Godzilla movies since the vast majority of monster footage in this movie is from prior films, namely Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster and Son of Godzilla. Yeah, those looking for a new movie in Godzilla’s Revenge only got about half of their wish. Couldn’t Ichiro imagine something cooler?

Nah, he’s too busy talking to Minilla. Yeah, that thing pictured above talks. Here’s what it sounds like in the English dub:

Awesome.

Ichiro talks to Minilla about bullying problems, something that the monster is all too familiar with. That is the bulk of this movie: dealing with bullies. Again, this does not sound like a horrible idea on the surface, just a puzzling one. The Godzilla series is, by its nature, a series about conflict so making an anti-bullying movie sounds challenging. Well, this movie is not anti-bullying.

Minilla seen here solving his own bullying problem. Looks like it is going great!

Yeah, Godzilla’s Revenge is the movie you show your kids to encourage them to fight. Great morals Japan! Minilla and Ichiro both need to stand up to a bully named Gabara, and both do… through fighting. Remember children, if someone you know is bullying you, tell an adult… unless that adult is Godzilla… just don’t talk to Godzilla. So there’s that.

Sounds to me like Godzilla is being really judgmental.

Oh, and remember those burglars I mentioned earlier? Well Ichiro gets kidnapped. Yeah, the kid left all on his own is abducted, but do not worry (and this is another moral of the movie) he knows his parents are busy and he needs to be more responsible. Yes children, if you’re alone and you get kidnapped: it is your fault.

Well, maybe you should be more useful, child! On a serious note, I feel like scenes like this one are poignant and the film misses the mark of being a truly interesting movie. — Well, maybe you should be more useful, child!
On a serious note, I feel like scenes like this one are poignant and the film overall shows the potential of being a much better movie than it ever is.

If it sounds like I’m describing a nonsensical plot that kinda jumps all over the place, it is because I am. Godzilla’s Revenge is not a particularly well put together movie. It is a combo of stock footage and questionable lessons for children. All that said, I do not think it is the worst Godzilla movie. Simply put – it is too different to really compare it to other films. There is no common structure here. Is the film entertaining: sure, in a really campy kind of way. Well, that’s already more than people can say about Godzilla vs. Gigan.

This movie is just weird, from the imagination scenes to the talking Minilla to a kid fighting everyone to be more adult. Why was it called All Monsters Attack? No clue. Who is Godzilla actually taking revenge against, apart from bullies? Fair question. What the f*ck am I watching? Godzilla’s Revenge.

RiffTrax: Bringing New Life to Bad Movies since MST3K

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Colin McMahon

People are always surprised when I tell them that I really enjoy watching bad movies. It does appear a puzzle when it is written out like that. The word “bad” after all usually means something like unenjoyable, poor, miserable – all not good sounding words. Well, for starters – there are two types of bad movies. Films like Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li and A Nightmare on Elm Street fall into the boring bad (or truly bad) category. These are poorly made films without a lot of action or attempts at comedy. In other words, they are dull beyond belief. I do not (nor do I know of anyone) who enjoys watching this type of bad movie. The other type, however, is far more redeemable. These are the movies that are so bad that they are unintentionally funny. Films like Batman and Robin and Troll 2 fall into this category. These movies, while poor in script, acting, and direction can still be a lot of fun to watch – as long as the viewer is in a mocking mood. And, of course, the perfect compliment to any bad movie has to be RiffTrax.

For those out there who have never heard of this service before, Rifftrax is made up of primarily three professional comedians: Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett, and Michael J. Nelson. They specialize in a brand of “make fun of” comedy and have been doing it for years. The three actors gained fame on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K for short), a show that originated the idea of professionally mocking bad movies. It is exactly what it sounds like: these three watch the films ahead of time, write out jokes, and then perform them during the course of the movie. This simple action can be nothing short of brilliance and shows that anything, no matter how obtusely bad, can be improved with laughter.

mst — One guy and three robots watching bad movies in space on a ship shaped like a dog bone… I can’t make that up.

By creating this service, Rifftrax has (likely) unintentionally done a huge service to the lesser films in creation. I seriously doubt that any director ever sets out to make a bad movie. Like all artists, they strive for greatness, whether that is recognition from their peers or the admiration of the crowd. Inevitably, most fall short of the lofty vision that began them. Take a film like The Last Airbender. M. Night Shyamalan was supposedly a huge fan of the show, yet the movie turned out… less than stellar. Regardless of who is to blame, the film became a miserable viewing experience. Personally, I cannot stand this film. It really is devoid of anything resembling entertainment and it is not even two hours long. Yet let’s see what happens when some comedy is injected:

Suddenly that movie becomes a lot more watchable.

Granted, Rifftrax cannot save every bad movie. That first group that I mentioned can be hard to salvage. Recently I had the pleasure of attending a Rifftrax Live event: Godzilla (1998). Yes, Rifftrax made me pay for a film that I never wanted to give money to again. They did an excellent job making fun of it, but Godzilla primarily falls into the boring bad category. It is a long movie where not much happens. While jokes help fill the gaps left by the script, it was hard to escape the tedium of watching the world’s least genuine Godzilla movie.

So if you’re counting on them to turn crap into gold – sorry but that doesn’t happen, even in the realm of movie magic – it’s a service that is definitely worth checking out. The good people of Rifftrax have performed a feat that should not be discounted. They have taken something poor and made it better. Good on them for trying.

Incidentally, the next live event is Anaconda. I don’t know about anyone else but I am really looking forward to seeing that film again… never thought I’d write those words.