Colin McMahon

10 Video Game Universes that Telltale Should be Exploring that Would be More Interesting than Borderlands

Posted on March 26, 2014 by Colin McMahon

Telltale Games might be the equivalent of HBO in the video game series. That analogy could be a little poor, I do not think Telltale has the money or the fame of HBO, but they do have the best stories. Their game, the Walking Dead Season One is the best adventure game in recent times and could be a contender for the best ever. And Telltale has not stopped there. Since their explosion back into fame (after the abysmal Jurassic Park: the Video Game, which will be seen very soon), Telltale has expanded. They are currently producing two story games with two more on the way. The Wolf Among Us( from the Fables universe) is currently unfolding like an excellent crime novel with the player joyfully inhabiting a sheriff who happens to also be the Big Bad Wolf, and the Walking Dead Season Two continues all the gut-wrenching, no-winning scenarios that made the first game have such an impact. Later this year, Telltale will expand with a Game of Thrones adventure that will no doubt be filled with the sex, betrayal, and political intrigue that makes the show worth watching and the books worth reading… Telltale is also making a Borderlands adventure game…

Now I’ve never played either of the Borderlands games but I have seen enough of them to gleam that that is not a series known for its story. It is known for quirky characters and quirky guns and shooting said quirky characters with said quirky guns. Fun, to be sure, I look forward to playing them one day (I love the song that begins Borderlands 2), but I feel that Telltale is wasting their potential in terms of source material. The following are ten video game universes that would make for better fodder for choice-driven adventure games:

10. Earthbound

I’m not going to say much more about this one since I already touched upon it in an earlier article. Needless to say, Earthbound is one of the most charming role-playing game experiences to be found in earlier gaming, and it is a sad fate that it has vanished from the modern video gaming world. Since Nintendo seems to rather suicide to revival, I wish they would give the license to Telltale. At least we could finally hear Ness and Lucas brought to life, outside of punching noises.

Imagine how rich this universe would look in 3D.

9. Jade Empire

That’s right, forget Mass Effect and Dragon Age, Bioware’s worst original series would still make for better story fodder than Borderlands. If I were to describe the Jade Empire universe, I would liken it to a poor man’s Avatar: the Last Airbender. Nevertheless, there is sufficient mystery and mythology to make a worthwhile game. Heck, maybe Telltale could finally make the “philosophy” system into actual philosophy, as opposed to light side versus dark side.

Two philosophies: in one, you help an old lady cross the street, in the other you murder her and her family. Sounds like legit life perspectives.

8. Star Wars

Speaking of light side and dark side: come on. I know this is technically cheating (Star Wars is a film universe first) but there is such a rich history of Star Wars games that I feel it counts. From Knights of the Old Republic to the adventures of Kyle Katarn, Telltale could pick any time period they wished without impairing the story options. They could even set it during the prequels and give audiences the first good prequel plot (that’s right, I went there – go cry, George Lucas).

It has been too long since the last Jedi Knight game. — It has been too long since the last *Jedi Knight* game.

7. Warcraft

I’m going to blow your minds real quick: Blizzard already made a Warcraft adventure game. No, I’m not talking about World of Warcraft, I’m talking Warcraft Adventures. Never heard of it? That’s cause it was never released. Now, Blizzard games are great in every area except one: story. What’s the one thing Telltale excel at: story. Sounds like a happy marriage to me.

Man, the art design for Warcraft Adventures looked amazing. — Man, the art design for *Warcraft Adventures* looked amazing.

6. Prince of Persia

Assassin’s Creed has replaced Prince of Persia in terms of gameplay, no question. However, if one were to play the first modern Prince of Persia game again, one thing would become apparent: there’s a story there. Not just that but it’s great, it has compelling characters and a time travel mechanic that would be very interesting to incorporate into a choice-driven adventure game. Prince of Persia has no future against Assassin’s Creed, but maybe if the series were to change its identity, it could re-attract its fan base.

5. Wolfenstein

What better backdrop for an adventure game than World War II? What better World War II series than Wolfenstein? What better name for a main character than B.J. Blazkowicz? I’m not kidding, that’s his name. It’s supposed to be a serious game. Awesome.

Mecha Hitler cannot be in enough video games.

4. Dungeon Keeper

EA has done wrong by Dungeon Keeper. This newly released mobile game: they can go fornicate themselves with an iron stick. Dungeon Keeper, the first game in particular, was one of the most in-depth sandbox games ever made. Despite the fact that none of your minions talked, they all had a personality. Imagine if they did talk and you played a wonderful adventure game as the bad guy?

3. Saint’s Row

I know, you’re saying what? Let me explain: this would be the parody game, the game to mock all other adventure games. Saint’s Row has already established itself as the parody series, have you seen the intro to Saint’s Row IV (it’s amazing). Telltale is at the height of the adventure game market, meaning they have earned the right to poke fun at themselves and the industry. No better way to do that then getting personal with the Third Street Saints.

I feel that this could be the title for the game.

2. Oregon Trail

Think about it, think about what made the first Oregon Trail game so amazing. Anything could happen: someone in your party could get sick, bit by a snake, or drowned in a river crossing. You could lose the trail for a few days or get helped by Native Americans. You could shoot so many animals (SO MANY). Now imagine an Oregon Trail game where you got more direct control of your party and they were all flushed out characters. Oh, and your choices dictate if you survive or not: bitchin’.

Shoot all the buffalo. How fun (and sadly historically accurate).

1. Bioshock

Why should Ken Levine get to have all the fun? Irrational Games is gone but Bioshock can live on. It was the story that made those game so memorable in the first place. Who better to continue the legacy than Telltale Games?

Maybe Telltale will prove me wrong and Tales From the Borderlands will be riveting. I hope it is. They will be able to take all the credit (or all the blame) for whatever story they come up with though. Maybe that was the point of it all along.

The Year of Luigi Began With a Whimper and Ended With Even Less

Posted on March 24, 2014 by Colin McMahon

Nintendo: seriously? From the creators of the Mario series, the Legend of Zelda series, the Metroid series, The Donkey Kong series… I could keep going (point is – they make great games) comes… “The Year of Luigi.” For those out there not following current news in the video game industry, things have not been going well for Japan-based video game developer and publisher, Nintendo. The once mighty console maker has taken a backseat since the release of the Wii U (actual name) in late 2012. Maybe the company knew they were being pushed out of the limelight, why else would they select Luigi to headline a year?

I feel this photo represents both Luigi and Nintendo at the start of 2013. Ready to just fall. — I feel this photo represents both Luigi and Nintendo at the start of 2013: ready to just fall.

Let’s talk about Luigi real quick. He is Mario’s brother. You know you’ve got a strong character when his best definition comes from comparison to another character. He’s not Mario… he’s the other one. The “Bros.” part of “Mario Bros.” Luigi is probably the most famous “player 2” character in video game history… but he’s still “player 2.” He’s the guy you make your friend play as. Sure, Luigi has had his own games. His first came in 1993 with Mario Is Missing! Yes, in Luigi’s first game he still was not part of the title. Was Mario Is Missing! any fun? It was an educational game that was not Oregon Trail, I do not feel the need to say more.

Since then, Luigi actually has appeared as the main star of a couple of entertaining games (some of which were released in the past year). The highlight has to be Luigi’s Mansion, the atmospheric launch title for the Nintendo Gamecube that, once again, had Luigi tracking down his brother (Mario needs to learn how to share the spotlight). Okay so one good game and in a history of being overshadowed; great role model, Nintendo.

The Year of Luigi began in February of 2013 with a Nintendo Direct that announced both the year and, what would be, the only game of the Year of Luigi worth mentioning, Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon. Luigi would finally get his long-awaited sequel and… maybe a couple of other games? It was supposed to be his year after all.

"Look, I put the hat on. What more do you really expect from us?" — “Look, I put the hat on. What more do you really expect from us?”

Well, let us count, in the Year of Luigi, Nintendo officially released four games (not including the previously mentioned, Dark Moon) for Mario’s sidekick. They were New Super Luigi U, Mario & Luigi: Dream Team, Luigi Bros. (a hidden game in Super Mario 3D World), and Dr. Luigi. Yeah, even in his year: Luigi still cannot escape Mario. Really it is even less than it appears.

New Super Luigi U was a gloried expansion pack for New Super Mario Bros. U. Nintendo decided to add-on a full new 82 courses (because the worlds in New Super Mario Bros. U were just so memorable) and just subtract Mario from the equation. Hey, at least he isn’t in this “Luigi” game. It was a game that few, outside of diehard fans, could be excited about.

Then there is Mario & Luigi: Dream Team. It is good but seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Not only is Mario in the title, he’s first. It’s a Mario Bros. game, end of story.

Yes, it certainly looks like Luigi is front and center here. Oh look, I didn't know this was a Princess Peach game too! — Yes, it certainly looks like Luigi is front and center here. Oh look, I didn’t know this was a Princess Peach game too!

Luigi Bros. barely warrants mentioning. Again, it is a mini-game tucked away inside of Mario’s latest offering: fantastic. I bet that does all kinds of wonders for Luigi’s self confidence.

I guess that leaves Dr. Luigi. If you’re thinking: “Hey, didn’t they make a Dr. Mario game like, twenty (yes we’re old) years ago? What is this, a remake?” Yes, and yes. Dr. Luigi is essentially a prettied-up Dr. Mario for the Wii U. On the plus side, it does include an entire new mode that alters the formula considerably. I know I should be sarcastic here but I actually really like these types of games. It’s sad that this is my second favorite game of the Year of Luigi, but it wasn’t a bad little game.

I don't believe that man has ever been to medical school. — I don’t believe that man has ever been to medical school.

Nintendo, ladies and gentlemen. At least you can say they were true to Luigi’s legacy. All anyone has been able to talk about in the past year is the PlayStation 4 and the Xbox One. Nintendo has faded away to the sidekick, with only one thing really worth mentioning: the 3DS (seriously, that is an awesome handheld with a never ending supply of quality titles).

The Year of Luigi ended on March 18, 2014 (a full year since the February Nintendo Direct). It is now the Year of… anything? Nintendo has been quiet. They are a company in turmoil right now that desperately needs to convince the video game industry that they know what they’re doing. Apparently they are keeping the Luigi-like mentality of making such an exit that no one will even be aware that they’ve left.

Nintendo could announce it was the year of Pokemon and Pokemon U was becoming a reality... but I think that is giving them way too much faith at this point. — Nintendo could announce it was the Year of Pokemon and make *Pokemon U* a reality… but I think that is giving them way too much faith at this point.

Scene Dissections: The Picnic Love Scene in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Posted on March 17, 2014 by Colin McMahon

All right, here we go: it’s St. Patrick’s and time for an appropriately themed post. That’s right, let’s talk about Star Wars! Oh, you’re saying: not Irish enough? Very well, we’ll focus on Episode II: Attack of the Clones. You have to be stereotypically Irish to enjoy the scenes in that movie. Maybe not every scene, some of the action and effects shots are really well done. It’s just the other stuff… the stuff with the people doing something… it isn’t lightsaber fighting, it’s something else… TALKING! Yes, the scenes with the people talking are frankly, well they’re awful in that movie. And never does the quality sink lower than when Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) are on screen together. I could talk about any of their scenes at length but, let’s just pick at random and go with this one:

Did you watch it? Are you so turned on by love that you can’t sit still anymore? If you’ve never seen the movie: there are all like that. EVERY. SINGLE. LOVE SCENE.

But anyway, bashing Episode II is nothing new. By doing this I simply join the dark side of internet geeks trashing a movie they, for some reason, can’t stop talking about. The above scene is a failure, no question, but let’s talk about why. I’m going to break it down by story, acting/direction, and scenery/effects/music. I’m not going to do this in context with the rest of the movie (I might a bit but I’ll try to avoid it). I just want to talk about that sequence, as it is. What went wrong.

STORY: Two people are talking at a picnic. The dialogue isn’t horrible. It’s not riveting either. They’re talking about her crush… from when she was twelve (before the wonders of Star Wars puberty) and Anakin makes it clear that he doesn’t like politics. To be fair, he does this like a typical 19 year old, in the sense that he sounds incredibly naive and dismissive (like 50% of most democratic populations). Here is the first failure: Padme is not put off by this exchange. She is a senator. Someone who has devoted their whole life to the government.

Let’s try an experiment: next time you’re with a politician (or even a political science major) just say: “yeah democracy is a load of crap, people just bicker and stuff. We should totally just have someone in charge who just does right.” That is para-phrased dialogue from Episode II. Say that to your political friend and see how often they laugh and come onto you (granted there has to be ZERO flirting beforehand… you have to be as cold as they were in that scene… so looking bored in grass).

ACTING/DIRECTION: God do they look bored. There isn’t one second of natural warmth between them. Padme laughs a little and Anakin laughs a little but what are they laughing at? Anakin’s jokes aren’t clever, not to a senator (or anyone) in their early twenties anyway. They act like teenagers at the prom: too scared to make a move and too awkward to look comfortable. Problem: He is 19 and she is 24. It’s okay for him to be awkward because he has spent the last ten years as a sexless monk-knight, but she grew up with luxury: no way she would find it that charming.

Natalie Portman has won an oscar. Hayden Christensen has disappeared. I never saw him in anything else so I don’t know that he’s horrible, but given how unnatural Academy Award-winning, Natalie Portman is acting: this is not a scene to blame on the actors. George Lucas clearly had a vision here: the mono-myth picture of ideal, innocent love. Two children in a field, just enjoying each other’s company. That’s the scene, that is an accurate description of the scene. He directed it like two children, problem is he wrote it for two young adults. Second problem: this isn’t just writing. One of the beauties of film is that it breathes with living performance when done well. When it’s done poorly… it looks like the above scene.

SCENERY/EFFECTS/MUSIC: This goes back to George Lucas’ vision. It is the idyllic field in a land of (at this point) scientifically explained magic and whimsey. Star Wars is no stranger to fantastical backgrounds but both Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi brought a sense of realism to their worlds. The people acted like people. thus drawing attention away from the scenery. No such luck here. The visuals may look impressive (at least until Anakin tries riding one of those… alien cow pigs) but they carry too much of the scene. It’s not good.

One thing truly works here and that is “Across the Stars“. “Across the Stars” is the love theme, composed by the great John Williams. Yes, it is over-the-top but this is Star Wars. The music has never been subtle. In my opinion, this piece is beautiful and captures a brief image of the idealized love that Lucas was going for. Does it sound grounded: nope, but it is the one thing that absolutely doesn’t have to be.

So there you have it: fantasy gone wrong. I guess that sums up the prequels in a nutshell. At least we got some funny Robot Chicken sketches out of it. Like this one:

And this one:

Good times. Anyway, for those out there wondering why I didn’t write an article on St. Patrick’s Day (and the wonderful “political correctness” of Irish stereotypes), I was in the mood to rant so I did something stupid to rant on. The Irish article is coming so… we’ll enjoy that at a later date.