December 2013 – Colin McMahon

Santa Claus Just Isn't White

Posted on December 20, 2013 by Colin McMahon

In the past week I had the good fortune to enjoy some incredibly humorous episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. A focus of their satire rested on none other than Megyn Kelly, a “newswoman” from Fox “News” who made the following statements in regards to Santa Claus:

“Santa Claus just is white.”

Now, maybe I am taking this out of context. I could very well be. In the interest in fairness, here is a clip to her official website of not only her initial comments but her defense of them as well. See, I’m letting her have the first word. Now, go take a look (really you have to see this).

Did you watch it? Okay… she’s had her say.

I am not joking now. So Megyn Kelly (by the grace of my good fortune), if you are reading this site I want you to know: you represent everything I hate most about my country. Not to say I hate the United States. Not in the slightest, I believe firmly that the USA has the potential to be the greatest nation on the planet. But what stops it? People like you.

For the record, it’s not her initial statement that annoys me. Everyone makes mistakes. I put my foot in my mouth at least a third of the time I open it. We’re all human: we all say stupid and potentially offensive things from time to time. It’s her “apology” that is so infuriating. Here is a how-to in proper apology etiquette:

1) Accept responsibility for your actions.

2) Express regret for said actions.

3) Be sincere in above statements.

It’s not a complicated process, that’s why we teach it to children. Notice how there is no “express feelings of victimization/persecution” step? Too bad, because that’s all Megyn Kelly’s “apology” was. When someone actually apologies for something he/she did wrong, the offended party shouldn’t feel like it owes an apology as well.

In the United States, there is an atmosphere of self-righteous. This is true of any country and humanity in general. Everyone wants to believe they’re the good guy. Sure, it’s an understandable notion. America is no different, everyone born in this country is raised to believe that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave”. That is a pretty awesome description. We’re also raised with the knowledge that we were founded on liberty, revolted against oppression, destroyed the nazis and declared war on terror. In short: we’re raised to believe America is pretty bitchin’.

While not part of the official curriculum yet, public schools hope to teach this by 2025.

I’m not going to go into whether the USA actually is or not. There are plenty of valid opinions on both sides of that issue. Just let the record show that, while I personally believe my country is flawed, I am still proud to be from it. However, it is when this attitude of “I am American, I can do no wrong” is carried too far, that Americans unquestionably become the arrogant assholes that other parts of the world stereotype us to be.

Megyn Kelly and most of Fox News represents this attitude. Just look at how Bill O’Reilly defended Kelly’s statements. He brings up a valid point of “it doesn’t matter”… while taking the time to defend it, rather than simply saying that Megyn made an erroneous statement (which everyone does occasionally).

So f*ck it, if both of them feel that they have to be defensive, maybe it does matter. And if it matters then the answer obviously is: Santa Claus isn’t just white. But why stop at Santa? From now on, the tooth fairy is gay, the Easter Bunny is Muslim and Jesus was a Jew (yes, I’m aware that last one is an actual fact). Anything that makes the omnipotent Megyn Kelly feel that she has to make more “jokes” to feel comfortable. Because, for you kids reading at home, Megyn Kelly just is a racist bigot, and that’s a verifiable fact.

Santa Claus just is a kitten in an over-sized hat.

Top Five Third-Party Developers Nintendo Should Court in 2014

Posted on December 18, 2013 by Colin McMahon

Watching the Nintendo Direct this morning, I was reminded of one thing: how much the Wii U needs games. It’s no secret. Ever since it’s launch last year, the console has been plagued by unfortunate software shortcomings. Pikmin 3 missed the launch window, as did Rayman Legends (which subsequently went multi-platform, causing Nintendo to lose an exclusive it badly needed). Aliens: Colonial Marines, which at one point boasted the “best graphics” on the Wii U, came out and was so horrible that the Wii U version was ultimately abandoned all together. Three big “ifs” that all went ultimately against the big N. But that was a year ago, time to move on and address the new concerns, namely: “where is the third-party support?”

For those of you unfamiliar to the video game industry, a third-party developer is a video game maker that doesn’t owe a specific allegiance to any real hardware. They’ll make games for Microsoft, Sony, Nintendo, Apple – doesn’t matter. As long as there is a dollar value, they’ll sell it. Here is the Wii U’s problem. It lacked the initial launch punch of other platforms (a mixture of non-standout software and miserable marketing campaign attributed to that) so it’s not selling well. Third-parties care about profits (understandably) and don’t want to risk poor sales – poor sales of any one game can mean death to a video game developer.

Ubisoft: one of the few third-party developers who continues to support the Wii U.

So Nintendo needs to convince people to buy, and not just the consumers. They need to sell their product to third-parties. It’s a tough sell, but properly done, Nintendo can accomplish it. Here are my five recommendations for third-party developers that Nintendo should really look to secure relationships with in 2014.

5. Telltale Games

Telltale Games pulled a rarity in the industry. They went from worst (Jurassic Park: the Game) to first (Walking Dead: Season One) in just a year. That is an impressive turnaround and fortunate for a company that could have easily been lost to bankruptcy. In short, Telltale should know what it’s like to be the underdog. Now, it’s smooth sailing with titles like Walking Dead: Season Two and Fables: The Wolf Among Us. These games are heavy on the quality but light on the horsepower, meaning the Wii U wouldn’t need to strain itself to incorporate ports. Telltale has indicated a desire to work with the Wii U in the past but has gone quiet on the console in the past year. If I were Nintendo, I wouldn’t want to miss out on the games coming from this third-party publisher and would even consider a lucrative deal (say rights for Telltale to create the next Earthbound) to secure a partnership.

Telltale is expanding with new franchises and it would be wise for Nintendo to be there.

4. Platinum Games

I know what you’re saying: Platinum Games already creates content for Nintendo. The Wonderful 101 and Bayonetta 2 are arguably the only third-party exclusives that the Wii U has going for it right now. I fully agree. This is a different type of relationship I’m proposing: Nintendo should buy Platinum Games. The two companies currently enjoy a very friendly working relationship. Platinum owes Nintendo a debt of gratitude after the big N agreed to publish their titles (Sega dropped Platinum and the company was in desperate need for a little bit). This past year Nintendo lost the exclusive rights to Ubisoft’s Rayman Legends. Losing Bayonetta 2 to Microsoft or Sony might put the final nail in the big N’s coffin. Purchasing Platinum Games would ensure more quality content exclusive to the Wii U. Something Nintendo strongly needs to secure a relevant place in today’s video game industry.

Don't lose this to Sony or Microsoft. — Don’t lose this to Sony or Microsoft.

3. Crytek

On the surface it doesn’t make sense. Crytek (creators of the widely popular Crysis trilogy) is a company known for packing horsepower into their games. While the Wii U isn’t a weak system, the PS4 and Xbox One are both capable of superior graphics. However, there are indicators to believe a relationship is possible and has even been pursued already. Earlier in the year, Crytek was quick to point out that their new graphics engine functioned on the Wii U. Nintendo also recently hired a a former member of Cyrtek’s staff to a position in their company. Add to that all the rumors of Crysis 3 being full developed for the Wii U, only to be cancelled at the last minute thanks to the Nintendo-EA breakdown. Oh, and also Crytek consists of the remnants of Free Radical, a developer who, at one point, was creating the next Timesplitters exclusively for the Nintendo Wii. It would be wise if Nintendo were to pursue that project into this generation.

This game would be an excellent addition to the Wii U's shooter library. — This game would be an excellent addition to the Wii U’s shooter library.

2. Mojang

Microsoft has lost exclusive rights to Minecraft. The game was just released on the PlayStation 3 with plans to come to the PS4. There have been numerous requests to bring the system to Nintendo consoles. Gamers have created tributes to Nintendo creations in the world of Minecraft. Notch himself, the man behind all of Mojang’s success, has stated in a tweet, that he supports Minecraft created for Nintendo consoles. There is no reason this should not happen. Nintendo: make it happen.

1. Rockstar

It’s funny how most of life’s complicated problems can be solved with simple solutions. Don’t like the person you’re dating – dump them, your dinner is too hot – let it cool, touching a porcupine makes your hands bleed – stop touching the porcupine. If the problem is say, your console isn’t selling and you (for some reason) don’t want to put Pokemon on it – put Grand Theft Auto on it instead. Really, if Nintendo had been smarter in securing a port of Grand Theft Auto V this past year, I believe the Wii U would be in a different position than it is now. Just the impact of bringing GTA to the Wii U would open the door to so many other third-party developers. That impact can still be made if Nintendo can negotiate for a version on its console. Yeah, I know they already have Lego City: Undercover, but let’s be serious here. If Nintendo was serious at all with their plan to “win back the hardcore”, then this game belongs on the Nintendo console. End of story.

So many problems would be solved so quickly.

"I AM KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN!" – 'The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug' Review

Posted on December 13, 2013 by Colin McMahon

Eleven years ago, New Line Cinema released The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. The second chapter in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy found incredible critical acclaim and took home two Oscars. However, departures from the source material, including the delay of Shelob, the character change of Faramir and the presence of elves at the battle of Helms Deep, angered some of the more diehard Tolkien fans. To those people I have one thing to say: STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE. Of course, if you sleep with The Hobbit on your nightstand and hold the word of Tolkien as law, then you probably already walked away from this new trilogy in disgust last December. Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is a bold departure from the source material and… a pretty good movie… I think? I’ll get into it.

(MINOR SPOILERS TO FOLLOW)

The Desolation of Smaug essentially picks up right where the first film left off. As you may remember, Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) and company are on the edge of Mirkwood. The orcs are still right behind them and the eagles have left to return to the realm of Deus ex Machina. Yet there is also flashback scene to ease us into our fifth return to Middle-Earth. Returning to the famous “Prancing Pony” Inn from Fellowship of the Ring, we witness the initial meeting between Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and Thorin (Richard Armitage). This scene, as well as many of additions/changes to the source material, exists for one purpose: there are bigger things going on in Middle-Earth than Smaug.

Get ready, there is a lot of Lord of the Rings in this movie.

This is grand departure. While Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy employees Bilbo Baggins as its chief protagonist, its identity is not that of the simple children’s adventure story. These movies represent the beginning of the war of the ring.

Did you hear that? Every diehard Hobbit book fan just groaned.

Yes, it is true, that little band of gold is as much of a star in this movie as Martin Freeman or Ian McKellen. Really, it is arguably a larger star than Freeman, who sadly takes a backseat in this second installment. Personally I felt that one of the strongest plus factors going in An Unexpected Journey was the strong characterization of Bilbo Baggins. Evidently Jackson and co. felt entitled to a pass this time around.

Bilbo Baggins is as much a part of the scenery in this movie as those blue butterflies.

So, amidst the gathering doom of greater forces, the little dwarf quest continues – and is a lot more fun this time around. The film only really falters at the beginning with the interjection of Beorn (a were-bear who will no doubt come back into play in the third installment) before hitting its stride in Mirkwood. We get spiders and elves and a barrel chase and it is all great fun. The addition of Evangeline Lilly as Turiel, an elf guardsman, is welcome and breathes life into the movie. Really her performance and subsequent subplot with the dwarf, Kili do a lot to improve the pacing and give the audience a breather from the one-track Thorin (this dwarf needs his mountain something fierce) and the somber beginnings of Sauron (one of two villains this movie voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch).

It's Evangeline Lilly as an elf. Damn. — It’s Evangeline Lilly as an elf. Damn.

The result is a pace that feels at a thrilling rush and gets us to Lake-town feeling jazzed to see what comes next. What comes next: the audience is introduced to Luke Evans (good performance) and Stephen Fry (Republican performance) before it’s off to see the dragon!

Now, about that dragon… here come my spoilers. Those out there wishing to see Smaug die, you’re not getting your Christmas present this year. Peter Jackson, possibly trying to emulate the Hunger Games: Catching Fire, has gone the root of the abrupt cliffhanger leaving all resolution for the Hobbit: There and Back Again. The result is a jarring ending preced by a greatly expanded upon confrontation between Bilbo and Smaug (voiced by dragon-Sherlock aka Benedict Cumberbatch).

I said at the beginning of this review that I wasn’t sure how to feel about the movie and that’s why. This doesn’t feel like a complete story. Unlike the chapters in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, not much is resolved at the end of the Desolation of Smaug. There is no victory at Helms Deep, no breaking of the fellowship: the movie just ends. Yes, one can argue that the climactic expulsion of Smaug (yes, he gets forced from the mountain in this movie) is enough but that dragon is still alive and in good, fire-breathing shape.

Ironically this tale feels more like part one-of-two than part two-of-three. As a piece of a film, it is entertaining and fun… but it only a piece of a film. The final word on Peter Jackson’s trilogy will come next December. Until then, The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug is a solid blockbuster rich in Tolkien lore. I just hope that all of this buildup has a payoff… other than the Battle of Five Armies.

PS – For those curious about my thoughts on the first movie, click here!

Month: December 2013